My Alter-Ego

I AM SuperWoman, or so it seems. When my honey left the last time I shattered and we had a hard time when he got back. When he found out he had to go again this time we were both afraid. Not just for the war and all that entails, but for US. The emotional drama that separation brings is enough to drive anyone apart. Very few of the couples in his unit are still together from the last deployment, and we are holding on. I made my list of things to keep me busy, got my army of friends for support and prepared my heart. This time we made all kinds of rules, codewords, and tried to think of every scenario in advance. ALMOST every scenario.

So it was time for him to go. There is a story about a wife that saves up all her tears in a jar that he likes to tell me. He laughs and says that although our home is large, we might need to dig out a pool to hold them the way I cry at his departures. He does not even get to see the ones that I shed at night! Good thing I guess...

I started on my list of things to do, one at a time. Fix up the house, keep up with school...the BAM! CANCER???? Suddenly, everything was upside down. Now I was scared for him, I was scared for me. He was scared for me, he was scared for him. We were BOTH at war and needed each other's strength. But something else happened as well. All the things that I have been putting off began to come about. As I had sat there and mourned the departure of my love, I had become very good at letting things wait "one more day." Now I didn't do that.

I called my father who I had refused to speak to for years. He cried and called my siblings, who I also never made time for. Now he usually takes me to my chemo appointments, and he gets to see his grandchildren, which he never would have. He helps me with my house, and his new wife is getting to know me-and I am letting her. I am learning to forgive.

As tired as I am, some business partners came forward and said that the time was now to start a new adventure, and that they wanted to work around my doctor visits, and that I was the one that they needed to make it successful. As it stands now, I am out of sick days, vacation days, overtime, and any other days....It was truly a well-timed plan. I will have to work hard, but I know it's the right thing.

Another business partner offered me a contract to design on MY OWN TIME....they are willing to wait. UNHEARD OF. They also want to work around my doctor visits.

I am ripping through my Master's degree as fast as possible in order to get it done, but as I work, I look up and see my daughter at times. My youngest has these HUGE brown eyes. I know it's time to put down the books and sketches and ask her what she wants to do. She lights up like a candle. One day, while doing this, I realized that I had changed. I could not do everything, but I could do many things. I certainly could do, and was doing, more than sitting on the couch, watching TLC and filling that pool. Upon realizing this, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flutter. It was my cape. I had finally earned it. My SuperWoman cape. Maybe I am starting to get this thing figured out, and it begins with the brown eyed girl in front of me.

Go, CancerGirl, go.